I texted a friend last night (who has more children than me) and asked her if she could please tell me how she manages to get through each day feeling like she accomplished all she set out to do, properly care for her kids, enjoy it AND end the day with a smile when her husband walks in the door. There was a great sense of relief when she said she was wondering the same thing herself!
Due to our au pair not working out (personality differences, cultural differences in childcare, the list goes on…) we are changing course and opting for some part-time help from a college student and tackling 3 kids under 4 on our own. I keep telling myself that everyone else out there can do it, so why can’t I? Then come midday, when lunch time hits, the two older kids are hitting the wall and needing their naps and my 3 month old needs to nurse, I realize I can only do so much. I can feel my anxiety rising as I want to help and tend to everyone who needs me but I am only one person and I have to choose who to tend to first. I can honestly say that I’ve begun to master the skill of not sitting down for almost an entire day unless I am nursing (actually, sometimes I am nursing standing as I break up some sort of fight or possibly dangerous activity that my toddler son has somehow figured out).
In order to be anywhere on time it takes planning out down to the minute of when we need to leave the house. Do we have waters, snacks, ample activities should we run into a delay…etc…? When does the baby need to eat next and will there be a place to feed her?
Who is tired? Is there a chance if we leave the house too late I might have a toddler fall asleep in the car on the way to school pickup therefore losing my window to get him down for his proper nap, which needs to coincide with my daughter’s nap so that I can sit and feed the baby uninterrupted and maybe, just maybe eat something?
There are moments throughout the day where I feel like I might break. I often wonder how other Moms out there are doing it? How are they spending the time they need with their kids while also keeping up their homes, feeding their children properly while also taking care of themselves? I haven’t figured out how yet but I plan to keep trying.
I find myself often re-reading this article from a blog I love. Specifically, this paragraph-
“And it gets better, because you realize you’re not alone in your struggles. Every mom who’s gone before you and every mom who’s standing next to you has felt what you feel. We are all bone tired; even the ones who look so put together. We are all terrified of getting it wrong; even the ones who make getting it right look effortless. And once you realize this, it gets better because a burden shared is a burden lightened.”
Happy Saturday night to all those Mamas out there killing it every day! I will toast my margarita tonight to you!